A SMILING MAN IS NOT NECESSARILY A SAFE MAN…
it often feels the opposite, especially if he’s trying to feel safe to a woman by smiling.
A man who is in touch with, and respects that he IS dangerous —he’s not afraid to feel that and let it be felt about him…
…TO ME, *that* man feels safer than the man smiling at me trying to make me feel safe, telling me I don’t have to be afraid with him.
He is protecting me by letting my system be the authority and by being stable and congruent in how he holds and conducts himself, regardless of my nervous system or interpretation of him.
He is not trying to influence me or call my instincts into question in favor of his image.
He wants me to trust myself and knows that trusting him is something that is only appropriate over time, experiencing his consistent and congruent being in my field.
He knows he may not be safe for me and looks to the feedback I give to inform him of that.
For me, THAT is a safe man. He doesn’t need anything from me for him to feel okay about who he is.
This is why it’s so important to not only express what feels nice and good with a man, but also what feels off. (Okay, this goes both ways. We all need accurate feedback)
Without accurate feedback he may not be able to discern if he’s good for me or not and might violate me, thinking he is helping me.