“I resent you for your face!” a man I’d known for 5 intense days barked at me during a Radical Honesty workshop (with 4 more days to go).
7 years ago.
You might think this would have been a low horrible moment for me, but it was actually a peak encounter with reality.
I grew up with everyone lying to me about what they thought and what they felt (about me and about life), whilst I sensed a reality that —no one I knew— even knew how to acknowledge.
And when I say “a reality” that I sensed… I mean: REALITY.
Also just: ME.
The loathing I sensed seeping off of this man in workshop was palpable to me. Palpable as all the things I had sensed my whole life seeping off of everyone while their words lied.
Here in this room the truth reined, and I began the process of sorting reality from fantasy from straight-up bull-honkey!
I had tried long enough to believe the words, join the people of my youth in their reality, in order to either survive or to save them… the two motivations were so deeply enmeshed for me in the past, they were indiscernible at this point in my mid 30s.
As a kid my uncle would have me do these assessments while he was becoming a psychologist. I was genius-level at the mazes; I would begin in the center and solve them to the entry and open space.
That’s how I would solve the maze of people too: get in the middle of their labyrinth —get lost with them— and then find my way back to reality, trying to bring them with me to freedom.
I used to do this with my clients as well and, while it worked well enough, it exhausted me and felt violating to the other in a way that destroyed many beloved connections.
My resenting workshop-mate was not trying to hide what he thought about my face… not exactly…
…but until that moment, he was also not forthcoming about how he held me personally responsible for this feeling, and the thought associated with it having directly to do with my face.
My FACE! 😆
I honestly don’t recall if I had the wherewithal in that moment to report my reality honestly, which was —and still is— “I appreciate you for saying that”.
It was one of my first visceral experiences of sharing reality with someone, without me abandoning my post to get lost in their maze first, save them and get them to a place that felt better to me.
Brad Blanton said about this man and I that we were like brother and sister. The recognition was bizarre to me at the time because I didn’t feel at all like him.
To be honest, I never felt I was like anyone, or that anyone was like me…
Least of all my family!
I do now share a bond with my actual brother and my actual sister that is founded in shared reality. It’s pretty new to me to feel that I’m related to anyone, especially biologically and spiritually at the same time.
Anyone I felt resonance with seemed to not feel it with me. I’ve spent decades trying to forge a chosen family based upon recognition.
I was obsessed with the movie Annie as a kid. I was convinced I was an actual orphan. That I’d been adopted and these weren’t my real parents.
I think I actually am not alone, and there is at least one like me in every family, training in our gifts by our very inability to fit in as a mechanism of evolution.
We are collectively on the precipice of a great shift to be able to meet up in reality as sovereign beings and navigate creation together, rather than bind one another in unconscious agreements to fear individuality and therefore our essence in order to survive.
We are completing thousands of years of ancestral patterns and conditioning to make way for something truly, truly NEW.
Some of us elected to be on the front lines of this reconciliation between tribal ancestry, collective consciousness & the individual. (Human Design note: I am a triple split projector with one channel in each circuitry 😜🥳🤯)
I venture to guess that if you’ve read this far, you have been on the front lines of healing your ancestral rift with reality in your way.
You may feel weary like it will never end, but I say into you: it is ending dear sovereign soul!
In fact, we have succeeded already. Don’t get lost in the illusion that this collective bs has an upward trajectory, it is actually the death throes of the old guard.
We must pause together to acknowledge ourselves and each other. Acknowledge the completion, declare our intentions and open to our next mission founded in REALITY with a congruent family of support.
And celebrate our success!
We are Sovereign, and we may have true family to hold, walk and celebrate with us!
I’m hosting my shaman, White Wolf Purnananda, within THE CONTINUUM, a 6 month connection experiment for sovereign support, in a couple weeks on February 24th .
He’ll be facilitating “Ceremony of the Soul’s Evolution” as a space for we gritty sovereign souls who have been on the front lines of evolution, healing the ancestry of the last 26,000 years…
…for us complete and step over the threshold into open space, leading the way for humanity.
This offering is intentionally very generous and accessible for both members and non-members. It’s also literally being created in the time it happens with the people present.
If you are there, this ceremony will be YOURS.
For my HD peeps, White Wolf is a very open, quad left generator… wise 6/2 with only the 3-60 defined.
Lately my recognition of the generator gift is that they can be very in-touch with the reality of what works on Earth to build sustainably.
I recognize White Wolf for his work supporting others to do the necessary work, within the focus that we are completing the healing work with our ancestry, and preparing to walk in new ways on Earth.
I trust him, I stand with him and I am here to support you to receiving his gift, if you hear the call ringing true for you.
You are welcome to join us! Click here for more information about attending Ceremony of the Soul's Evolution on zoom & The CONTINUUM