top of page
  • Writer's picturesaeri


About 5 years ago I began to have an intuitive desire to sit in ceremony with a kind of sacred medicine, I did not know what at the time.

I honestly do not know exactly where I even got the idea that people did "drugs" in ceremonies... maybe I heard of a native person, who could sell people mushrooms legally as a cultural right to guide people in their journeys; but if I recall the person really just sold mushrooms?

Anyway, I had this idea.

And it wasn't mushrooms either, it was SOMETHING ELSE.

I began making two blankets, that later I would bring with me to Ayahuasca ceremony, and also knitting a sweater that I later found out the patterns were common images of visions people had of the sacred medicine vine.

Overall, I did 11 ceremonies over 18months, but really, I got the most information for myself in the first weekend, and especially the second night I sat with the medicine.


Right here I want to say that I am not recommending YOU do medicine ceremony.

EVERY SINGLE TIME I sat with the medicine, at the end of the night I got the message from my spirit CRYSTAL CLEAR that I did not NEED to drink it, and that my experiences when I did drink it were no different than my life itself.

I personally feel I took it waaaaay too far with 11 ceremonies, and that I was mostly being called to sit just those first two ceremonies in the first weekend.

The people I was working with were very clear that if the medicine was correct for you, you would be clearly invited, as I was. However, there was no written invitation for 11! haha!

I start my story with the mysterious sense I had and the art I created, unknowingly connected, to demonstrate that I was called, though it really means nothing in comparison to anyone else and how they decide to sit in ceremony or NOT.

It is a totally personal choice and experience. I feel very passionate about also having integration support after your journeys, if you would like support with this for yourself, please contact me and we can explore if I'm the right person to help you, or I can also refer you to someone. ************

Okay... now to the little piece of my story I'd like to share with you about "Special"

The second night I was initiated into... well, INITIATION itself. I was shown viscerally how it works which is:

Spirit gives you a gift.

The gift is injected into your awareness, into your body.

Anything that does not resonate with that gift --which is essentially a returning of a piece of you, so anything that doesn't resonate in your system is NOT YOU-- gets loosened and compelled STRONGLY to GO!

*** I will be sharing more about the mechanics of Initiation in my upcoming gift class "Transcending Trauma by Initiation with GRACE" Aug 15, 2019 12:30pm PST. You can register for that class here:***

This story is of one of the gifts of... oooh, 5? I was given that night.

I had a star team of beings who were palpably present in my visual periphery as light. They felt like ancient family members from my home star; perhaps even just my higher self.

After a raw and righteous PURGE by yawning clouds of smog, I rested, humbled in the space my last gift had created in my body.

My guides seemed to have been giving me a little space as I drifted between worlds exhausted.

Then I saw them approach again. Front and center, enlarging as it came closer was one of those "Hello! My name is..." stickers. As they fixed it to my chest I read the name: SPECIAL.

At first... just SHOCK. I mean... how mundane and SILLY! I was, quite frankly, dumbfounded.

I heard stories of people having vivid fractal trips in technicolor, having deep conversations with Aliens about their missions on Earth... I got a name tag one could acquire at any hotel seminar with a quite ridiculous name.

Then... the gift started to do its work as it touched my conditioning...

"What you think you're SPECIAL?!" "Oh you're sooooo SPECIAL, you think you're better than everyone else" "Short bus, SPECIAL"

"You're NOT special, you're just like everyone else" "Don't even ask for what you want, you're not SPECIAL"

THE ABSOLUTE HORROR... were my beloved and special guides suggesting that this is ACTUALLY MY NAME?

Am I being asked to leave this ceremony, go out into the world and tell people my name is actually "Special"?


Well, as the mental flurry increased, my body started to release this toxicity.

This was my first of MANY purges.

I puked and puked and puked.

And, I'm sure you know, when you're puking, you really can't do much thinking.


It seemed like it would never end. And it did.

As I rested bowed all the way to the floor over my bucket, resting, not sure if it was over, I was shown what this name tag and word really meant:

I am Special, as in, I see the specialness in everything and everyone. This is my gift. This makes me special. Special is LIFE.

There is room for everyone and everything to be SPECIAL.

These toxic ideas we have about being special as an elevated place in a hierarchy of value are 100% BULLSHIT.

Now, like, ALL of the gifts I received that night, beyond my initial understanding of what this gift actually IS, it took me many years to integrate, investigate and really understand it for myself.

I even went through a year in a women's circle where I introduced myself as "Special"... just to clean out any other bullshit that might be lingering in my system around this gift. I was surprised at how I was received so free of judgment by my sisters, and this was quite a healing for me.

I recently started working with one of my leaders from that group and she referred to me as Special and I just had to LAUGH!!!

What I came to recognize is that I did not have to tell people my name is "Special". People literally say this to me all the time:

You're Special

How Special

I mean... people use it like my name in conversations OFTEN, totally unaware of how it could be reframed as a name!

And then I have an opportunity to shine Special back to them. To mirror what they see in me, this sacred gift of mine.

Because, you know...

If you SEE it... You've GOT IT 😉

You're Special.

*** Join me for the gift class "Transcending Trauma by Initiation with GRACE" Aug 15, 2019 12:30pm PST. You can register for that class here:***

37 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All
bottom of page