Masculine men are sensing; sensitivity is a masculine trait.
Healthy masculine is designed to sense feminine feeling.
Cultural stereotypes and wounded women may say this is not the case, because they assume that if a man could sense a woman correctly... that he would do what she wants. And that is a tragic assumption, as a healthy masculine man's response is trained upon what he senses the feminine woman needs that he can provide, not her preferences based on what she thinks she needs [informed by her wounding].
Sensitivity is a masculine trait because the masculine is naturally a leader, and ideally is leading his woman, family & service in the world based upon his purpose or direction, as guided by his unique essence & higher power...
He needs to be sensitive in order to have the information to properly lead the individual others in his life, under his protection & provision, so that they are in alignment with who THEY ARE for their highest and best...
And therefore the highest and best of his family and himself.
Healthy masculine ultimately wants what's best for everyone, which again, may not be everyone's preference.
Healthy feminine respects his leadership, even when it's not to her preference, when he has shown himself to be sensitive to her needs and she feels safe in his presence.
He NEEDS that sensitivity to the others in his life, and especially the feminine in his life, in order to successfully lead.
The feminine's job is to FEEL. and to allow herself to be felt; share an accurate expression of her authentic feeling (which may be scared, nervous, angry... as well as delighted, cherished & satisfied).
Where it all gets mixed up is with a mother and her feminine pain body.
The feminine pain body has been in, who knows how many generations of protecting herself.
Protection can look like shielding,
attacking... I could go on!
When the feminine is doing these things, she is essentially NOT TRUSTING that she is safe.
Which is valid and an indicator that she was not protected as a child.
When a feminine woman engages in protecting herself, she has not/is not having the experience of being led in a way that is the best for herself and her family.
And yet when she is protecting herself, she can't be felt by the sensitive masculine.
Now, don't get me wrong! This protecting self way was created initially as a healthy response to real perceived danger. It may not have been objectively dangerous, but it really doesn't matter for the lived experience that initiates a survival response.
Where the masculine gets tangled in feminine pain body, is when he was not protected as a child.
Mothers who are shut down are not feeling fully and allowing themselves to be felt. This is an essential mechanism of maternal protection: for mother to feel herself and allow her feeling to be sensed by her mate and children.
Fathers who are not feeling sensitive to the mothers' feeling, tend to be concerned with their own needs and defense -either becoming authoritative dictators, or spineless wimps (hello extreme examples and the nuances that make up the range).
He is shielding to protect himself, and when a woman doesn't feel safe, he will revert to his learned behavior to protect himself, like his mother protected herself, which compromised her primary role of nurturing the boy, which would have made him feel safe.
We have here the dilemma of the little boy being exposed; not being protected in childhood and he starts to identify with the feminine pain body.
Childhood is essentially feminine; the masculine traits are there for sure, but still children need to be protected and provided for. As do mothers in order to fully protect, nourish and guide their children to healthy maturity.
This is how the masculine starts to identify with the feminine pain body...
As a masculine adult, this is highly problematic to have these men who are shielding their sensitivity to the feminine.
When you have a woman who is also shielding, there is no accurate information going back and forth...
The information meant to inform our leaders and protect our mothers and children is distorted to the point of being lost!
Everyone is going around protecting themselves, and the children are left vulnerable, insufficiently protected, nourished and guided... and yet another generation gets this patterning imprinted deep in the amygdala, where it is very hard to access and correct.
So what to do? We can interrupt this curse as individuals. Here are is what I see we can do for starters:
For the masculine, the key is to open up the sensitivity to the feminine without identifying with the feminine pain body.
For the feminine, the key is to start expanding the range of feeling and honest expression, especially pertaining to safety. Also to prioritize people who demonstrate their ability to receive honest expression in safe ways.
For the wounded children in both masculine and feminine beings, we need safe spaces to commune with our wounded inner children, acknowledge their experiences and address their needs. By doing this we gently remove our inner toddlers from the driver's seat [which is a terrifying place for everyone for a toddler to be!], and let them play again --rightfully free of adult responsibilities, lighting up our spirits where they belong!
The trick is to stop acting from the early wounds, while addressing them, and practice experiencing our respective authentic sensations to expand our capacity for ourselves.
Not so easily done, and each healing journey is unique, but there is nothing more worth it IMO.
Because essentially what we are talking about when one is raised with parents who protected themselves from feeling and sensitivity, are people whose development was stunted --even as their bodies and responsibilities grew them into parents.
Unaddressed trauma stunts our growth; freezes us in time.
Those little ones are waiting for us to claim them, protect them and guide them into the present moment reality.
From the now, we are able to create a legacy of healthful relationships and restore our rightful experience of Love as the source of our lives.
by Saeri Wilde