Monogamous Devotion

My love can be so focused, so exclusive… whether it’s a risk I take, or a rock I dream of (I dream of and with rocks; I find them and weather internal battles of if they want to come home with me or not),

…or when I see someone’s essence and then I fall in love with all of their limitations and idiosyncrasies in utter devotion to seeing that essence shine through every cell of their being…

Sometimes it’s the checker at the grocery store, or a homeless person (I might fall in love every time I see someone who lives outside), and sometimes it’s a friend.

Sure this has been fertile ground for the codependency I’ve been carefully (and earlier-on recklessly) dismantling…

and codependency is not its essence; only a misunderstanding.

Of course I say to myself that sexy romance love is the ultimate.

I’ve had many wonderful boyfriends who also seemed impossible and untouchable at the same time. I’ve lived with a few. I made a baby with one.

I’ve danced with many men, and a few women. As a follow I wove my swooning artfully like an ecstatic ninja in the space they created and protected for me.

But honestly when I try to get specific, even about the men I f