I’ve been undergoing a rapid relational maturing for the last 4 years since I had my daughter.
For all the inner work I’d done, it was shocking to me to discover how far I had yet to go when it came to my capacity to:
first discern who I let in my space… and second, how I would be with my experience of myself with those people.
Previously my discernment was based solely on preference I would gauge by either a great experience I had of someone…
…or a vision I had of who they might be with me.
Encountering a strong soul connection would waterfall me into living situations, businesses, jobs, projects, friendships and romance.
My experience of myself with others was greatly influenced by mostly my mental assumption of their projection of their experience of *me*.
I would shrink, bend, expand and stand in whatever way seemed to best support my vision of a person, and my vision of myself with them.
Finally I’m clear that no amount of soul resonance or harmony can get me to move forward in any kind of relational intimacy (including and especially friends),
if I do not perceive that person to have a stable relationship with their own nervous system.
Quite frankly, every single heartbreaking friend breakup I’ve experienced in the last two years (there are five, one was a lover) the other person had anxiety that ran amok, causing them to project that I was a dangerous person based on elaborate stories that they just couldn’t even have checked in with me or reality…
And that justified some pretty hurtful behavior on their part.
Yes I played my part and I’ve been looking at that.
At this point I see the most essential ingredient I was bringing to these kamikaze connections was that I would bypass or not even consider that they seemed to be suffering with anxiety and had pretty unstable nervous systems.
I mean: “love would prevail” I would think.
For people in my personal life, sturdy nervous systems are now a requirement.
How I can best love the people I adore on a soul level but who cannot hang in this clear frequency I tend for myself: not pressure them to be any different.
Theres now a sign on the door into my private life: “Your nervous system must be this tall to enter”
I’ve worked too hard, come too far with my own nervous system to have it attacked by unstable people in my inner sanctums who are supposed to be enriching my life and supporting me on a peer level.
On top of that, I now have a little girl who I am unwilling to expose to one more of these toxic needless fractures.
Clients with frazzled nervous systems are okay so long as we have alignment and can come to agreements about what we’re doing together and how.
And this is the same reason why so many people who have incredible healing and seeing gifts are not paid professionals:
They wobble, fight-flee-freeze-fawn whenever they start [sometimes even thinking about] serving others, standing in their truth or greatness.
And that is why I pay my friends sometimes and when I didn’t have the capacity in my nervous system to risk my old patterns: I paid my coaches to stand by me, be honest with me and help me by giving me a healthy experience of relating.
It can seem like the hardest thing to pay people to be friends, mentors and family to you… but for me, the alternative of continuing to live that way was just unacceptable.
I’m shifting more focus over to the sanctuary I’ve created off FB. Im gearing up to share some juicy stories that are too much for the public internet's nervous system.
Check out THE CONTINUUM,